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An online newspaper featuring the columns of C.G. Scavola |
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Run That By Me Again by C.G. Scavola We don't get a lot of sea serpents in Oregon The lifeguards sat above the beach under umbrellas that shaded them from the baking sun. On the beach, people sprawled on blankets, dug in the sand, waded in the surf, and dozed in reclining chairs. Several small boats stood just offshore. People were fishing from some of the boats, lounging on others. The sea was calm, moved by gentle swells and small waves that broke gently on the beach. "My kind of day," one of the lifeguards said. "Nice and easy," said the other. "I don't see any surfers, no one swimming too far out." "My kind of day." "Except for that giant serpent that just ate the boat that was out there a minute ago." "My kind of ... serpent? Boat?" People on the beach were standing and pointing out to sea. People on the boats were staring. Some of them were hauling in anchors. Other boats were underway, running for the beach or along it, away from the spot where the boat had been. "Is this kind of thing usual here?" said the lifeguard who had spotted the serpent. "I'm from Oregon. We don't get a lot of sea serpents in Oregon." "You think we get a lot of them in Florida?" "Well, you hear stories ..." A woman ran up to the lifeguard station, looked up at the chairs under the umbrella, and said, "Are you two just going to sit there? A giant snake just ate that boat." "Technically, it's a serpent," said the lifeguard from Oregon. "At least, that's what I've always read. We don't get a lot of sea serpents in ..." The sea serpent surfaced. Its body floated high in the water and it held its head high, looking about. It had gold scales that shined in the sun and glistened with dripping water. It's teeth ... "That thing is dripping blood," said the lifeguard from Oregon. "Wow. I've got to send a picture of this back to the folks at home in Oregon." The serpent looked about, seemed to settle on a small craft making for shore, and began to swim toward it, its long body undulating in the waves as it shined and glistened. In the boat, a woman looked over her shoulder and saw the serpent. She screamed and grabbed a small child who stood in the stern of the boat pointing at the serpent. "What shall I call this thing?" said the lifeguard from Oregon as he pointed his phone at the serpent. "I can't just call it a serpent. Do you name them?" "Name?" said the other lifeguard. "You know, Puff, maybe?" The serpent lunged for the small boat. The woman held the child, who pointed at the serpent The serpent ate the boat and the woman and the child. "Wouldn't you know, my video is on the fritz," said the lifeguard from Oregon. "Is yours working" People began to scream and run from the beach. The boats in the water began to scatter away from the serpent. The serpent plunged beneath the surface, leaving the sea to the gentle swells and small waves that lapped at the beach. "Guess I'll have to send them a still," said the lifeguard from Oregon as he tapped at the keyboard of his phone. "Oh, man, this is the only beach in the world that doesn't have enough bars to send a picture. What happened? I had great reception a minute ago." The other lifeguard pointed. The lifeguard from Oregon looked up. The sea serpent loomed over the lifeguard chairs and the umbrella, gleaming and glistening and dripping blood from its teeth. "Fangs, technically," said the lifeguard from Oregon. The sea serpent reared back, its head twitching, its eyes focused on the lifeguards. "Oh, that's better," said the lifeguard from Oregon. "I've got lots of bars now." "Let's get the hell out of here," said the other lifeguard. "But this will be huge on YouTube," said the lifeguard from Oregon. "Two lifeguards being eaten by a sea snake?" "Serpent," said the lifeguard from Oregon. "But I guess you have a point." The lifeguards jumped from their chairs as the serpent's open mouth came down over them. The chairs splintered as the serpent ground them in its powerful jaws. The umbrellas seemed to vex the serpent, clogging its mouth. It shook its jaws, spit out the umbrellas, and looked about at the beach. The lifeguard from Oregon stopped and pointed his phone at the serpent. "Keep running," said the other lifeguard. "My video is working. Besides, sea serpents can't slither up the beach, can they?" That night, after the serpent had vanished into the sea, the lifeguard who was not from Oregon watched the video on a screen behind the bar as he drank a beer and said, "It is huge, all right. Who knew you could get that many bars from inside a sea snake?" "Serpent," crawled across the TV screen. Copyright 2010, Robert A. Markwalter |
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Any resemblence in this material to any person, living or dead or in suspended animation, is purely coincidental. Planning a visit to Savannah, GA? Run That By Me Again author Bob Markwalter is also a licensed Savannah tour guide. Visit Savannah, the Walking City at www.walkingsavannah.com to see more about Bob's tours and tour services and the beautiful ante-bellum city of Savannah. ©1998 - 2010, Robert A. Markwalter. All rights reserved. |