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The Stray Lake Signal-Gazette
"We print all the news that's fit for Stray Lake to know."
Horace Gumblat, editor emeritus
Beautiful Stray Lake

Sanders, Cruz, and a dead dog?
Blue mulls troika at top of slate
for third party run at Oval Office

"Three-way will work" - campaign manager

Wilma Whipstittle
Staff Writer/Photographer
Blue the dead dog, Stray Lake's alternating, frozen mayor, is thinking about expanding his third party run for the White House by adding Bernie Sanders and Ted Cruz to the ticket as alternating Presidents.

"It worked in Stray Lake," said campaign manager Lucrecia Borgia. "Why not in Washington? Three Presidents can accomplish three times as little as one, if you think about it."

"What makes you think Cruz and Sanders will want to be on such a ticket?" wondered Lou the bartender as he washed glasses.

"Well, it doesn't look like either of them is going to win the nomination he's running for, and they seem to have such a good time wandering about the country dissing anyone who disagrees with them I figure they won't want to stop any time soon," confided Lucrecia. "Besides, Blue has a little trouble with public speaking."

"Because he's dead?" affirmed Lou.

"Yes, but don't say that out loud," cautioned Lucrecia. "We're still trying to rig up a sort of puppet system so someone can ventriloquize for him on the stump. Do you think Brad Pitt or George Clooney might ..."

"... walk in here unannounced and sweep you off your feet?" suggested Lou. "Probably about the same chance as getting one or the other to voice Blue. But say, the pundits are suggesting Cruz might win the nomination despite Trump's current lead."

"We'll take what we can get, but if the Donald is going to be on the ticket he will have to tone down his hair or we'll have to thaw Blue enough to have his done," reasoned Lucrecia. "That freezer has given him the ultimate in a bad hair day."

"And if neither Trump nor Cruz ..."

"I don't know how to say 'four' in Russian, but we're the ultimate big tent here," said Lucrecia. "The more candidates the merrier, I always say. Why, if we get 52, each President will only have to work one week out of the year"

"I thought that was Congress," noted Dorothea Deluney as she passed with a tray of drinks. "And hey, is there any truth to the rumor that Brad and George will be dropping in for drinks?"

"I hope not," said Lucrecia. "Blue's fur is a mess and my hairspray is almost a week old."

Lou glanced down the bar at the Rev. Haskall of the Candle Creek Church of the Freewheeling Apostles. The Rev. smiled, shrugged, and said, "I figure if a rumor gets enough traction, it might turn out to be true. Then maybe I can get those boys to come to next Sunday's immersion in the creek. The hot dogs and beer just aren't the draw they used to be."

Lou shook his head, sniffed the air, and said, "I do not notice the odor of reality hereabouts."

"That's probably because the freezer blew a fuse," said Chef Juan de Fuca. "You know how Blue gets gamey and overpowers things when that happens."

"Thank God, I thought it was my hair," said Lucrecia.

blue for president

the tap daning pig

The tap dancing pig

"The tap dancing pig"

The Tap Dancing Pig
Yes, the pig dances in these laugh-out-loud stories, but he really wants to direct. There is also a cattle drive to make John Wayne cringe, a giant shrimp with an endless thirst, and a lighthouse keeper who has so many personalities he can't keep track of which one he's having a conversation with. Gleaned from over 20 years of humor columns, these 35 stories (and a couple of bonuses at the end) will keep you in good spirits. So settle back as the Lincolns and Grants play poker at the White House, Teddy Roosevelt hits himself with a big stick, and anarchists refuse to reset their clocks. Oh yes, there's a detective on the trail of the Fat Man, just so the suspense won't sneak up on you (the laughs will be out in the open). Read these tales one a day or gulp them in a sitting, it's your limit of laughter that sets the agenda. Available at the Amazon Kindle Store for $2.99, free download for

The tap dancing pig

"It's okay, the reindeer are driving"

It's okay, the reindeer are driving
Holiday humor and more: Santa is stuck in the chimney, hitting the rum cookies, or jumping from an airplane. Bobby Lee parties, claim jumpers can't shoot straight, and two rats own a cheese factory. These short reads are guaranteed to give you a belly laugh, for $0.99 (that's ninety-nine cents for the numerically challenged).

It's okay, the reindeer are driving

"At Love's Crest"

At Love's Crest
A steamy romance, with twists and turns of menace and intrigue, set against the backdrop of a threatening flood. Can Allyson trust the man she has fallen in love with so suddenly? Is he part of the danger that threatens her, or the one who can save her from it? The waters rise and Allyson must decide, as her wild desires beat against the walls she has built around her once-shattered heart. This sort of thing will run you a little more, $2.99 to be factual about it; but then it's a lot longer.

At Love's Crest

It's always time at the Tipple Time

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Copyright 1996 - 2016, Robert A. Markwalter

Any resemblance to any person or persons in this material should give same strong impetus to seek medical help and, coincidentally,
is coincidental, unintended, accidental, and all those other disclaimers people make when they shove knives into your back.